I like other peoples lives.

When I'm downtown, or when Cody and I take drives around as we often do, I pay really close attention to the people we see. When someone opens their door, or their curtains, at just the right time its like a jackpot for me. Score! I get to stare into a strangers house!

I think its just that their life is different then mine. I don't have to be apart of it, I just get to look at it.

That's why I listen to strangers cell phone conversations. There's nothing better then knowing what the guy standing in line with me is having for dinner.Or what that lady at the coffee shop did last night.

Gold.

Tonight is Sunday night, for us. I've done some decorating for Christmas and we've cuddled up to watch Hells Kitchen and drink eggnog with rum. Theres something so satisfying about a productive day followed by a lazy night.

There was nothing unusual about our day. We helped Bryan move in, we had a long, slow drive. We grocery shopped, had dinner with friends.

But for some reason I'm feeling so satisfied and pleased with myself. I think its because I put up a few decorations and there's something about today that feels glorious.

Maybe because today isn't tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be the worst day of my week. Its my 'monday'. Its not that I hate work, I just struggle with the constant focus on up selling. Its not my place to force things on people and when I take punishment at work for not selling, I get really frustrated.

Fuck

Anyways, theres a show about prison breaks on and Cody could probably use some attention.




When you go to pull your blinds shut tonight, think of me. And wonder who else is peeking in your windows


take that mutha fuckaaaah


A.N. Cody and I are super into Kewpie dolls right now. So I'm leaving you with my own interpretation. Smooches!



Hello Friends.

I have to just take a moment here.

Those of you who live on, have ever lived on or have visited the island will share my excitement. Its 10:30pm on a Friday night in November. Its snowing. And its sticking.

I've never been so happy.

Anyways.

Things are so good. I was riding in the back of a cab the other day and the cabbie was listening to Sikh Christmas carols. I have no idea how but they were rad. I just lay my head back against the seat and stared out the window. It was cold, crisp. All the windows were lit up with trees and lights and for a single moment I was trapped in an absolutely gorgeous movie moment. Its uncontainable. The strength of the holiday season is undeniable.

For me its always been that way. Carols and movies, Christmas eve. All are excellent catalysts for my emotional hair trigger. Cody is a very patient man and he's come to understand that my many tears aren't of sadness. Some are, some are bittersweet. Lots are of happiness. But I just cry so much. And as of late, I'm not ashamed of that. I have a lot of love and feelings inside and sometimes they leak out. And are wet.

My problem with the holidays is that I want to do them the right way. I don't really want to get caught up in the shopping and the craziness. What I do want to get caught up in is spending time with my family and showing love and respect.

But when the snow starts and the lights are lit, I can't contain the spike of joy in my system. Nor would I want to. Happiness comes in many shapes and forms and as I mature and get to know myself I'm learning that for me, happiness in its truest form comes from love. I've been blessed to have a great upbringing with so many special memories of the holidays that I cant help but to look forward to them. Especially more so now that I have Cody to share them with.

So thank you Mother Nature, City of Victoria and the cabbie from the other night.

Isn't happiness simple?



AN: its been about 2 hours since I posted and the snow has stopped and I've realised how absolutely sappy this post is.

That said, I refuse to change anything about it because I am a sappy person and thats that.

Suck it

I think that I can safely say this has been the best Halloween of my life.

Its also my first adult Halloween, so that probably explains it. We just had such a blast. Cody and I got all dressed up, which was awesome in itself. I went as a doll. A tutu, sash, pretty makeup with big fake lashes. It was all very charming. Cody went as a wizard! He had the this wig. We were all covered in fake wizard hair by the end of the night.

I think that we just ended up in the middle of the perfect party storm. Awesome venue, great music, incredible amount of friends hanging. Its super rad when you get to party with all your close friends, see them play music, get drunk and laugh. And the icing on the cake is you get to do it all in a super radical costume. It was just... perfect. It makes me want to wear costumes to every single party.

Now we're just living in the aftermath. I think my brain was broken for the next couple days. We watched the final few episodes of The Pacific and now we're in withdrawal from not having any more episodes to watch. I cant say enough to recommend The Pacific. Its just about the best show ever. I spend 90% of the last episode quietly crying because its hard to watch. Its not really glamorized. Its a very stark, violent portrayal of war with no gloss on either side.

So its been on my mind lately, the treatment of veterans from the world wars and the way we treat the soldiers coming and going right now. Regardless of why they're fighting, who they're fighting or the people who sent them to fight, soldiers deserve honor and respect.

Every year I wear the poppy, go to the ceremonies and say the words. I know that if we forget the horrors of previous wars, we forget every single person who died in them.  But as I've been walking around town the last few days, seeing the Vets handing out the poppies, its hit me a lot harder. Its up to this generation to honor the veterans, because soon there wont be any left. Its a huge responsibility to keep those traditions alive. It would be such a shame to forget. Especially because with the war in Iraq, there is so many new veterans with new problems. And we need to care for them, as human beings, before we get involved with the politics behind it all. I don't want to be the kind of person who mistreats another person just because they're involved in this new war. I refuse to be someone who lets all the sacrifice and anger and death of every single war go to waste.

So this year, what will you do to show your respect? Or do you even care. Will you stop to talk to the old man on the corner selling poppies? Will you bow your head with respect and sadness on November 11th?

Or will you forget.

I have so much to tell you.

In the wake of my last post, homesickness, stress and other ailments have been blown away. It took some time, some effort and a lot of tears. But here I am, geared up and cheerful within an inch of my life.

I got to spend a glorious weekend away up island.I left victoria quite late on sunday night. The best part about those drives is that its 2am and I'm flying down the highway, belting out 'heartbreaker' at the top of my lungs. Radio stations play the BEST, most gnarly music ever really late at night. Then when I got there, it was full on tumble into the bed of my youth. Glorious. What a weekend. I have the most incredible friend/family base. We had so many laughs. Cuddles with my sisters, barbie movies, carrot cake!

I have two very different favorite moments. The first was my sleepover with Rudi. We stayed up super late, jammies on, in my old bedroom. Howling with laughter, trash talking, uttering dirty secrets. Crying. Desolate, bestfriend missing tears. That girl heals my soul.

The second favorite was my last day there. I had been on the verge of a mental breakdown because I couldn't find the coffee in my parents kitchen. I was absolutely pillaging it. Swearing a blue streak and smashing through the cupboards. I never did find it, but my mommy did! And then we proceeded to cuddle up in her bed together and make the best mom/daughter connection I've felt in a long time. She makes me laugh so much. And cry. I always cry it seems lately. But my mom just gets me. She makes me feel so much better and she's one of my best friends. So we cuddled up and held hands. I'd never admit it before, but we just are so similar. Its insanity.

Home that night, I loathe the malahat. The rest of the drive was aces though. I got in a little late last night, went on a late night treat run with my boy and watched teen mom!

But today, today is the day to end all. After a quick morning shift, I zoomed home to Co and we got the party train on the rails. We had an awesome sangie down on the breakwater. Then we went up to beacon hill park and fed the birds. I'll be really honest. I'm pretty afraid of getting my fingers pecked but after a few painless swipes, I got real comfortable with the peacocks and they got cosy with me. Just call me the bird lady, because in about 4 minutes there was, no lie, 2 peacocks and about 45 ducks/seagulls surrounding us. Insanity. We laughed so hard.

It was a chilly day for a walk in the park, but it was so beautiful. Theres something so stunning about fall, especially in this city, I'm starting to see.

Cody and I have a habit of taking that scenic drive all the way through to the Uplands. Its always a blast but today it got even more funny. We were just sort of puttering along and had pulled aside to let the other drivers past, when we hear this roaring, revving sound. Cody turns to me and says "is that deebs?" Our friend, Dillon, drives a mustang 5.0 and it is insane. And he drives it like an absolute maniac. I get such a fierce sense of glee when i hear him coming. Anyways, he too was on a little drive about and we just happened to run into him! It was awesome. Of course, Co yells to him "light 'em up!" We were out at gonzo beach when all of a sudden, DBoy peels off in a blaze of smoke, rubber and wildly roaring engine!!! We cheered like mad and were glared at horribly by all the surrounding citizens. But it was glorious.

It gets better.

We had laughed it all out and carried on. We were sitting out by the chinese cemetery, watching the pilot boats guide in barges, when Co's phone rings. Its Deebs! Just saying hey, wanting to know where we're at. Then, whoops! He has to get off the phone, he's racing someone! So Co hangs up and we laugh again. But then all of a sudden...

... We can HEAR him, racing, friggen 20 blocks away.

So many laughs.

We carried on with our day, driving slowly through all those beautiful old houses. We just love it up there. And then Cody drops a bomb. He's found me a haunted house and a corn maze. My darling knows me so good. So we hammer on out to Mt Doug and happen across Galey Farms. For those of you who have never been there, if you ever have a chance. GO. They have a huge corn maze complete with a scary village and pyramids and a train, graveyard and waterfall. They also have this insanely terrifying haunted house. Cody dragged me through it. I screamed so many profanities at the top of my lungs, as if I was personally pissed off by what was happening. Its not so much the things that are jumping out that scare me, its the fear of whats next. The dread that whats coming is so much worse then whats already happening.

It was glorious and terrifying and insane. We had so much fun together.

Now we've made a nice nest, we're going to watch a few episodes of The Pacific and have a cuddle.

All of these days have been so good. And I've come to such a good place. I'm learning that its not necessarily the Comox Valley that I'm missing so much. Its the people there that I love and adore that I miss. Its also the little life Cody and I shared there that I miss. Sometimes we get so caught up in the city and our own separate work and friends that we forget to connect like we used to. We fell in love like mad people, so fast and hard. Then we lived a lazy summer, getting settled into such a strong rhythm. It was a beautiful year and it came to a close with Cody's proposal and a wonderful Christmas. We spent every single second possible together. Now we struggle to even make time during the day to talk.

Its up to me. I can see that now. This life isn't going to happen on its own. So everyday I wake up with renewed purpose. Today I will connect with a new friend. Today I will call my old friends and tell them I love them. Today I will give Cody every second I can spare, tell him every little thought in my heart. Give him all the love I can muster. And tomorrow I'll do it again. And again and again. This beautiful city is my home now and I am going to conquer it.
Come with me?

So. Its fall now!

Picture this.

Its mid afternoon, the fog is settling on the water. I step out of my building, the ivy on the brick has all turned to fall colors. I have a tea in my mug. I'm bundled up, jacket, scarf and gloves. The air is crispy and mellow.

Fall smacked me in the face with a paddle today.

Not that i'm bummed, I love fall alot! I was just surprised. Like when you think you're about to drink water and its actually clear pop. Surprise!

I love fall. Its my favorite. It just feels so good. Its crisp and you can wear boots and jeans and scarfs and jackets and all sorts of super awesome comfy warm things.

Anyways.

Things have been so crazy lately. Thanksgiving was an absolute gongshow. But I'm the type of person who thinks of family holidays as disasters. If there isn't some form of painful turkey explosion or family throwdown, it isn't really the holidays.

So true to form, I spent 10 hours all together on the train death tube of pain and suffering. The pain and time consuming frustration of riding the train is second only to what i imagine the chinese water torture is like. Never again.

Then cody was off to Calgary. And that was okay. We skyped, we chatted, he came home and brought me super rad tshirt!!
i love tshirts.

I feel like this is the time of year when everything changes. New weather, new wardrobe, new days. I always feel a bit like a lost puppy during fall. This year is no different. Living in Vic has been both really good and really complicated. I love our home and our life here. What I struggle with is the isolation from friends and family. Trying to build relationships is alot harder then you think. And I`m alot shyer then you know. And so i just... work and play and figure things out.

I wish there was several parts of me that i could designate to seperate things. But I guess life would be too easy.

Fuck you, Life.

Punctuated with ice cream out of the carton and movies in our nest, this has been a good day.

But I actually have something on my mind tonight. Which is unusual, because I usually only turn to the blog when there's nothing in my mind and I want to put something there.

I was tattooed again, a gorgeous piece. Its something I've wanted a long time and I've got it now. But that's not was I was thinking about. A woman was in the store the other day and had been thinking about getting a tattoo for some time. We spoke about local artists, styles, even design. Her final question was "does it hurt?". I gave my standard issue answer. no pain, no gain. I suppose I've grown a bit tired of questions like that. It seems like everywhere we go someone wants to know about tattoos, where we got them. Better yet, they want to tell me their awesome idea for a sweet new john deer tattoo.

So I answered flippantly. no pain, no gain. But after she left, I started thinking a bit more seriously about getting a tattoo. Maybe it was a slow day at work, maybe my mind was feeling busy that day. But what I came up with, was if we never put out the effort, we'd never get anything back. Not just when you do something physical like get a tattoo or a piercing. But in life. Would you never fall in love for fear of a broken heart?

Would you choose to never be born if you knew you were going to die?

And I know getting a tattoo is small scale compared to questions like that, but I put up with the pain because that's a part of the bigger picture. Its not earned if you didn't have to work for it. Nothing in life is worth it, if you haven't earned it. If you love something, you'll work for it.

So next time someone asks me if it hurts, I'll tell them that if they want it bad enough, the pain will be worth it. Secondary to the final product and quickly forgotten.


And besides, everyone gets wrinkly. Mine are just going to be way more colorful then yours!




Its our Friday!

So after all my grumping and groaning about the rain and the end of summer, I've been feeling a bit guilty.

I have so much to be grateful for. I have a wonderful fiance and a beautiful home. I live in one of the neatest parts of the city. I get to walk through one of the most gorgeous old areas every single day. I have a great job, I get to work with friends every day. I have awesome, supportive, fun parents that have given me an awesome childhood and continue to be great examples and good friends to me. I have the best buds on earth.

And so I feel guilty for being so petty the other day. I mean, the end of summer isn't the end of the world. Cody and I have tons of fun ahead, we've decided to push the wedding off in favor of traveling and seeing the world. And when we do get married we get to spend our lives together. Which to me is the best thing I can imagine.

So with thanksgiving a few weeks away, I suppose I'm jumping the gun with all this. But I want to thank everyone. My parents, my friends, the love of my life. All the people I see on a regular basis that give me love and laughs.


So with the cheesiest post I've ever written behind me...

Pictures!!!

I like other peoples lives.

When I'm downtown, or when Cody and I take drives around as we often do, I pay really close attention to the people we see. When someone opens their door, or their curtains, at just the right time its like a jackpot for me. Score! I get to stare into a strangers house!

I think its just that their life is different then mine. I don't have to be apart of it, I just get to look at it.

That's why I listen to strangers cell phone conversations. There's nothing better then knowing what the guy standing in line with me is having for dinner.Or what that lady at the coffee shop did last night.

Gold.

Tonight is Sunday night, for us. I've done some decorating for Christmas and we've cuddled up to watch Hells Kitchen and drink eggnog with rum. Theres something so satisfying about a productive day followed by a lazy night.

There was nothing unusual about our day. We helped Bryan move in, we had a long, slow drive. We grocery shopped, had dinner with friends.

But for some reason I'm feeling so satisfied and pleased with myself. I think its because I put up a few decorations and there's something about today that feels glorious.

Maybe because today isn't tomorrow. Tomorrow is going to be the worst day of my week. Its my 'monday'. Its not that I hate work, I just struggle with the constant focus on up selling. Its not my place to force things on people and when I take punishment at work for not selling, I get really frustrated.

Fuck

Anyways, theres a show about prison breaks on and Cody could probably use some attention.




When you go to pull your blinds shut tonight, think of me. And wonder who else is peeking in your windows


take that mutha fuckaaaah


A.N. Cody and I are super into Kewpie dolls right now. So I'm leaving you with my own interpretation. Smooches!



Hello Friends.

I have to just take a moment here.

Those of you who live on, have ever lived on or have visited the island will share my excitement. Its 10:30pm on a Friday night in November. Its snowing. And its sticking.

I've never been so happy.

Anyways.

Things are so good. I was riding in the back of a cab the other day and the cabbie was listening to Sikh Christmas carols. I have no idea how but they were rad. I just lay my head back against the seat and stared out the window. It was cold, crisp. All the windows were lit up with trees and lights and for a single moment I was trapped in an absolutely gorgeous movie moment. Its uncontainable. The strength of the holiday season is undeniable.

For me its always been that way. Carols and movies, Christmas eve. All are excellent catalysts for my emotional hair trigger. Cody is a very patient man and he's come to understand that my many tears aren't of sadness. Some are, some are bittersweet. Lots are of happiness. But I just cry so much. And as of late, I'm not ashamed of that. I have a lot of love and feelings inside and sometimes they leak out. And are wet.

My problem with the holidays is that I want to do them the right way. I don't really want to get caught up in the shopping and the craziness. What I do want to get caught up in is spending time with my family and showing love and respect.

But when the snow starts and the lights are lit, I can't contain the spike of joy in my system. Nor would I want to. Happiness comes in many shapes and forms and as I mature and get to know myself I'm learning that for me, happiness in its truest form comes from love. I've been blessed to have a great upbringing with so many special memories of the holidays that I cant help but to look forward to them. Especially more so now that I have Cody to share them with.

So thank you Mother Nature, City of Victoria and the cabbie from the other night.

Isn't happiness simple?



AN: its been about 2 hours since I posted and the snow has stopped and I've realised how absolutely sappy this post is.

That said, I refuse to change anything about it because I am a sappy person and thats that.

Suck it

I think that I can safely say this has been the best Halloween of my life.

Its also my first adult Halloween, so that probably explains it. We just had such a blast. Cody and I got all dressed up, which was awesome in itself. I went as a doll. A tutu, sash, pretty makeup with big fake lashes. It was all very charming. Cody went as a wizard! He had the this wig. We were all covered in fake wizard hair by the end of the night.

I think that we just ended up in the middle of the perfect party storm. Awesome venue, great music, incredible amount of friends hanging. Its super rad when you get to party with all your close friends, see them play music, get drunk and laugh. And the icing on the cake is you get to do it all in a super radical costume. It was just... perfect. It makes me want to wear costumes to every single party.

Now we're just living in the aftermath. I think my brain was broken for the next couple days. We watched the final few episodes of The Pacific and now we're in withdrawal from not having any more episodes to watch. I cant say enough to recommend The Pacific. Its just about the best show ever. I spend 90% of the last episode quietly crying because its hard to watch. Its not really glamorized. Its a very stark, violent portrayal of war with no gloss on either side.

So its been on my mind lately, the treatment of veterans from the world wars and the way we treat the soldiers coming and going right now. Regardless of why they're fighting, who they're fighting or the people who sent them to fight, soldiers deserve honor and respect.

Every year I wear the poppy, go to the ceremonies and say the words. I know that if we forget the horrors of previous wars, we forget every single person who died in them.  But as I've been walking around town the last few days, seeing the Vets handing out the poppies, its hit me a lot harder. Its up to this generation to honor the veterans, because soon there wont be any left. Its a huge responsibility to keep those traditions alive. It would be such a shame to forget. Especially because with the war in Iraq, there is so many new veterans with new problems. And we need to care for them, as human beings, before we get involved with the politics behind it all. I don't want to be the kind of person who mistreats another person just because they're involved in this new war. I refuse to be someone who lets all the sacrifice and anger and death of every single war go to waste.

So this year, what will you do to show your respect? Or do you even care. Will you stop to talk to the old man on the corner selling poppies? Will you bow your head with respect and sadness on November 11th?

Or will you forget.

I have so much to tell you.

In the wake of my last post, homesickness, stress and other ailments have been blown away. It took some time, some effort and a lot of tears. But here I am, geared up and cheerful within an inch of my life.

I got to spend a glorious weekend away up island.I left victoria quite late on sunday night. The best part about those drives is that its 2am and I'm flying down the highway, belting out 'heartbreaker' at the top of my lungs. Radio stations play the BEST, most gnarly music ever really late at night. Then when I got there, it was full on tumble into the bed of my youth. Glorious. What a weekend. I have the most incredible friend/family base. We had so many laughs. Cuddles with my sisters, barbie movies, carrot cake!

I have two very different favorite moments. The first was my sleepover with Rudi. We stayed up super late, jammies on, in my old bedroom. Howling with laughter, trash talking, uttering dirty secrets. Crying. Desolate, bestfriend missing tears. That girl heals my soul.

The second favorite was my last day there. I had been on the verge of a mental breakdown because I couldn't find the coffee in my parents kitchen. I was absolutely pillaging it. Swearing a blue streak and smashing through the cupboards. I never did find it, but my mommy did! And then we proceeded to cuddle up in her bed together and make the best mom/daughter connection I've felt in a long time. She makes me laugh so much. And cry. I always cry it seems lately. But my mom just gets me. She makes me feel so much better and she's one of my best friends. So we cuddled up and held hands. I'd never admit it before, but we just are so similar. Its insanity.

Home that night, I loathe the malahat. The rest of the drive was aces though. I got in a little late last night, went on a late night treat run with my boy and watched teen mom!

But today, today is the day to end all. After a quick morning shift, I zoomed home to Co and we got the party train on the rails. We had an awesome sangie down on the breakwater. Then we went up to beacon hill park and fed the birds. I'll be really honest. I'm pretty afraid of getting my fingers pecked but after a few painless swipes, I got real comfortable with the peacocks and they got cosy with me. Just call me the bird lady, because in about 4 minutes there was, no lie, 2 peacocks and about 45 ducks/seagulls surrounding us. Insanity. We laughed so hard.

It was a chilly day for a walk in the park, but it was so beautiful. Theres something so stunning about fall, especially in this city, I'm starting to see.

Cody and I have a habit of taking that scenic drive all the way through to the Uplands. Its always a blast but today it got even more funny. We were just sort of puttering along and had pulled aside to let the other drivers past, when we hear this roaring, revving sound. Cody turns to me and says "is that deebs?" Our friend, Dillon, drives a mustang 5.0 and it is insane. And he drives it like an absolute maniac. I get such a fierce sense of glee when i hear him coming. Anyways, he too was on a little drive about and we just happened to run into him! It was awesome. Of course, Co yells to him "light 'em up!" We were out at gonzo beach when all of a sudden, DBoy peels off in a blaze of smoke, rubber and wildly roaring engine!!! We cheered like mad and were glared at horribly by all the surrounding citizens. But it was glorious.

It gets better.

We had laughed it all out and carried on. We were sitting out by the chinese cemetery, watching the pilot boats guide in barges, when Co's phone rings. Its Deebs! Just saying hey, wanting to know where we're at. Then, whoops! He has to get off the phone, he's racing someone! So Co hangs up and we laugh again. But then all of a sudden...

... We can HEAR him, racing, friggen 20 blocks away.

So many laughs.

We carried on with our day, driving slowly through all those beautiful old houses. We just love it up there. And then Cody drops a bomb. He's found me a haunted house and a corn maze. My darling knows me so good. So we hammer on out to Mt Doug and happen across Galey Farms. For those of you who have never been there, if you ever have a chance. GO. They have a huge corn maze complete with a scary village and pyramids and a train, graveyard and waterfall. They also have this insanely terrifying haunted house. Cody dragged me through it. I screamed so many profanities at the top of my lungs, as if I was personally pissed off by what was happening. Its not so much the things that are jumping out that scare me, its the fear of whats next. The dread that whats coming is so much worse then whats already happening.

It was glorious and terrifying and insane. We had so much fun together.

Now we've made a nice nest, we're going to watch a few episodes of The Pacific and have a cuddle.

All of these days have been so good. And I've come to such a good place. I'm learning that its not necessarily the Comox Valley that I'm missing so much. Its the people there that I love and adore that I miss. Its also the little life Cody and I shared there that I miss. Sometimes we get so caught up in the city and our own separate work and friends that we forget to connect like we used to. We fell in love like mad people, so fast and hard. Then we lived a lazy summer, getting settled into such a strong rhythm. It was a beautiful year and it came to a close with Cody's proposal and a wonderful Christmas. We spent every single second possible together. Now we struggle to even make time during the day to talk.

Its up to me. I can see that now. This life isn't going to happen on its own. So everyday I wake up with renewed purpose. Today I will connect with a new friend. Today I will call my old friends and tell them I love them. Today I will give Cody every second I can spare, tell him every little thought in my heart. Give him all the love I can muster. And tomorrow I'll do it again. And again and again. This beautiful city is my home now and I am going to conquer it.
Come with me?

So. Its fall now!

Picture this.

Its mid afternoon, the fog is settling on the water. I step out of my building, the ivy on the brick has all turned to fall colors. I have a tea in my mug. I'm bundled up, jacket, scarf and gloves. The air is crispy and mellow.

Fall smacked me in the face with a paddle today.

Not that i'm bummed, I love fall alot! I was just surprised. Like when you think you're about to drink water and its actually clear pop. Surprise!

I love fall. Its my favorite. It just feels so good. Its crisp and you can wear boots and jeans and scarfs and jackets and all sorts of super awesome comfy warm things.

Anyways.

Things have been so crazy lately. Thanksgiving was an absolute gongshow. But I'm the type of person who thinks of family holidays as disasters. If there isn't some form of painful turkey explosion or family throwdown, it isn't really the holidays.

So true to form, I spent 10 hours all together on the train death tube of pain and suffering. The pain and time consuming frustration of riding the train is second only to what i imagine the chinese water torture is like. Never again.

Then cody was off to Calgary. And that was okay. We skyped, we chatted, he came home and brought me super rad tshirt!!
i love tshirts.

I feel like this is the time of year when everything changes. New weather, new wardrobe, new days. I always feel a bit like a lost puppy during fall. This year is no different. Living in Vic has been both really good and really complicated. I love our home and our life here. What I struggle with is the isolation from friends and family. Trying to build relationships is alot harder then you think. And I`m alot shyer then you know. And so i just... work and play and figure things out.

I wish there was several parts of me that i could designate to seperate things. But I guess life would be too easy.

Fuck you, Life.

Punctuated with ice cream out of the carton and movies in our nest, this has been a good day.

But I actually have something on my mind tonight. Which is unusual, because I usually only turn to the blog when there's nothing in my mind and I want to put something there.

I was tattooed again, a gorgeous piece. Its something I've wanted a long time and I've got it now. But that's not was I was thinking about. A woman was in the store the other day and had been thinking about getting a tattoo for some time. We spoke about local artists, styles, even design. Her final question was "does it hurt?". I gave my standard issue answer. no pain, no gain. I suppose I've grown a bit tired of questions like that. It seems like everywhere we go someone wants to know about tattoos, where we got them. Better yet, they want to tell me their awesome idea for a sweet new john deer tattoo.

So I answered flippantly. no pain, no gain. But after she left, I started thinking a bit more seriously about getting a tattoo. Maybe it was a slow day at work, maybe my mind was feeling busy that day. But what I came up with, was if we never put out the effort, we'd never get anything back. Not just when you do something physical like get a tattoo or a piercing. But in life. Would you never fall in love for fear of a broken heart?

Would you choose to never be born if you knew you were going to die?

And I know getting a tattoo is small scale compared to questions like that, but I put up with the pain because that's a part of the bigger picture. Its not earned if you didn't have to work for it. Nothing in life is worth it, if you haven't earned it. If you love something, you'll work for it.

So next time someone asks me if it hurts, I'll tell them that if they want it bad enough, the pain will be worth it. Secondary to the final product and quickly forgotten.


And besides, everyone gets wrinkly. Mine are just going to be way more colorful then yours!




Its our Friday!

So after all my grumping and groaning about the rain and the end of summer, I've been feeling a bit guilty.

I have so much to be grateful for. I have a wonderful fiance and a beautiful home. I live in one of the neatest parts of the city. I get to walk through one of the most gorgeous old areas every single day. I have a great job, I get to work with friends every day. I have awesome, supportive, fun parents that have given me an awesome childhood and continue to be great examples and good friends to me. I have the best buds on earth.

And so I feel guilty for being so petty the other day. I mean, the end of summer isn't the end of the world. Cody and I have tons of fun ahead, we've decided to push the wedding off in favor of traveling and seeing the world. And when we do get married we get to spend our lives together. Which to me is the best thing I can imagine.

So with thanksgiving a few weeks away, I suppose I'm jumping the gun with all this. But I want to thank everyone. My parents, my friends, the love of my life. All the people I see on a regular basis that give me love and laughs.


So with the cheesiest post I've ever written behind me...

Pictures!!!